Apparently, he has already a small heating in his living room, but he still wanted to invite her to come over. Well, he said to give an extra warm in his place. And there was where the conversation goes and on. She thought maybe it is a good idea to visit him once in a while. Besides he had an accident a few weeks ago, so she wanted to check him out.
The convo was alright until. One of them began to tease each other.
"You are my slave from the first minute that you enter the house!" he said over a text in the middle of night. The girl got immediately a goosebump.
The next day, all she knew that she was waiting for her master in the train station. She was like Hachiko, an akita dog who is always waiting for his master to come back from work. But Hachiko was so remarkably loyal to one master, and she isn't. That's different.
Then they met. They walked together to his master's place. They talked along the way.
When she stepped into his place, he tried to be the master. But the slave didn't listen to him. And they talked about other things. At this point, she didn't feel awkward at all. They even shared a small pack of matcha popcorn. Matcha! Yes, it reminds her about 3 years ago, she had tasted matcha latte. What a coincidence no?
She tasted the matcha popcorn slowly, she wanted to feel the sweetness of it. He enjoyed the matcha popcorns as much as she did. After the popcorns ran out, do they even remember what happened between them after that? It was so quick, they were like a dream. The taste of matcha was still on the tip of her tongue. It was so unreal and everything she wanted. It was as if they woke up from their dream and never looked back. Because she doesn't remember how they went from eating popcorns to staring at the blank ceiling. At that point of her life, she got something that she never felt before. They stared together at the ceiling quite a while. She wanted to stare at his eyes instead. "Don't" that what he said when he caught her staring at his restless face. Perhaps he doesn't want to be remembered, she thought.
Between those silent moments,
"Don't think," he said.
"I don't. I just enjoy the moment, don't you?" she replied.
"You seem nice and doesn't look naughty at all," he said. "But you are."
"I can't believe it. Thanks to you, I'm afraid to believe any girls. I'll be suspicious of any girls that want to be close with me."
That words struck her to the bottom. "Why I can't be a decent fucking person. Why is that?" asked her to herself. She keeps asking herself why she is so selfish, why she hurts people she cares the most. She is lost. She just followed her heart but she stepped way too far. She crossed the line. She hasn't found the right path yet. What could she do about that?