Friday, July 16, 2010

letter to a stranger

dear stranger,

i want you to understand why i am the way i am. i know im bad with first impressions. and i dont want you to write me off as a shy, awkward, self centered bitch. i want to tell you everything, but i know that you, like everyone else, will hurt me. whether you intend to or not. i want to tell you, i spent years without friends, or losing the few that i had. that people constantly told me to go back to my hometown. i want to tell you that nobody ever tried to get to know me. i want to tell you about how i became a bitch in sixth grade. i want to explain to you that the person i became was not the person i wanted to be. i want you to understand that i became this intense, cruel, bitch because thats what i had to be, to avoid being hurt by the people around me. it would be nice if you could explain to me why people dont like me, because honestly, i dont understand. im nice, im selfless. i like to joke more than i like being serious. im in no way full of myself, and i dont seek attention. i want to cry on your shoulder and tell you about the times i took a razor and sliced my wrists with it. i want to tell you about the times i just wanted to die. and i want to confide in you and tell you that im not over these feelings. i want you to know im haunted by my past. that my fears chase me and tell me that if i were a better person, these horrible things that keep happening, wouldnt happen. i want to tell you that i cant sleep, and i cant think clearly anymore. my mind has become foggy. i want to tell you that i in no way pity myself, that i just want someone, anyone to talk to. to truly open up to. i want you to tell me that not everything is my fault, and everything will be okay.


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