I hate myself for crushing with a guy after one evening of a dinner, and another evening with great talks.
I hate myself for liking him so much a whole 2 months ago. I said 'this is it'-do something about. I did. I talked with him. Just talked. we didnt kissing or holding hands. Nothing excessive intimacy. And I didnt hope like that one. We stared on our eyes each other. I swear it was such a magical moment. Since I saw his eyes, I knew he was nice, sweet, and smart. He just so so so perfect.
But then, when I could think clearly, he was not at all. I dont hate him, but after the time I've been trough he was not so special, just like another guy I ever know.
Suddenly came up, i don't know whats wrong with us, maybe it was from my fault. I've been too much---i couldnt find any exactly words. annoying, maybe?? I could think many possibly reasons behind it.
and, everybody asks me about us, here, i give you all explanation, this feeling was built by people around my life, they expected me I have something with this guy, at first I didnt feel it, but i kept trying. and it worked!
after many incidents passed by with us, he stops talking with me, he ignores me. I deserve it. I think I know the answer. I dont know what is on his mind about me? I think he already have a bad image on me. And, I just want he to think that I'm a lesbian, if he thinks I'm a lesbian, its more easy for me to accept the reason why he doesnt talk to me. I hate to think many reasons (maybe some of the reasons are very meant to me).
I knew we wouldnt talk after this, and now we dont talk, and still. 
I'm trying to forget about this perfect guy, Its not hard, its like as easy as I had liked him.
I have another life, another problems, i moved on.
but, I still wonder where was the friendship gone?
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