we don't have the guts to initiate a conversation T_T #sigh

Think how many people have sat next to you on a bus, train, whatever.

Now think how many people have sat next to you on purpose, with their fingers crossed in hope that you’ll talk to them.

I’m sure somebody has. There’s plenty of times when somebodys seen you and hoped that you spoke to them, but you never did, ‘cause you don’t have the guts, and neither do they.

Don’t go around thinking nobody likes you and that you’re not loved, there’s been plenty of times when a strangers spotted you and thought “oh they’re just my type,” but haven’t had the courage or confidence to open their mouth and initiate a conversation, the funny thing is, neither have you.

the essence of life

The essence of life is not being perfect, impressing people, or succeeding at everything. The essence of life is simply making mistakes and learning from them, surrounding yourself with people that love you when you’re being yourself, and getting through the failures so that you can continue improving.

.

She can deal with stress and carry heavy burdens. She smiles when she feels like screaming and she sings when she feels like crying. She cries when she’s happy and laughs when she’s afraid. Her love is unconditional. There’s only one thing wrong with her, she forgets what she’s worth.

Hell yeah, why not? fucked up the relationship.

People ask me sometimes, “How come you never went in a relationship?”

Why? I’ll tell you why. It’s because I’m Nineteen, and I don’t see the point of having one. Like I don't see the point of life.

I know that I’m still not capable in being somewhat tied up to a person and be fully committed to them.

I want to spare myself from being hurt unnecessarily, to cry over stupid fights.

I’ll get there, It’s not too late.

For now, I want to focus on my studies, I don’t want distractions. (blah.blah.blah)

My ambitions are quite high and I want to achieve them, and not only for my mom, but myself as well.

I want to serve God, as much as possible, I want Him to be in the centre of my life as I grow.

I want to have fun with my girls and boys.

Cause that’s my only responsibility at the moment, to be a good Christian, a good daughter and a good friend.

hell yeah, please aware about this thing!

Yes. Those babies are lying on concrete.

Yes. That bottle is empty.

Yes. Those are mosquitoes & flies swarming their little bodies.

Yes. This is the condition of Pakistan, at the moment.

A couple of weeks have gone by since the floods in Pakistan have flowed and the number of people effected by this are staggering & record breaking.

Over 20 MILLION PEOPLE.

That is MORE THAN THE COMBINED TOTAL of the 2004 Tsunami, the 2005 Kashmir earthquake, the 2010 Haiti earthquake, and the American Katrina disaster.

How many of you knew about this? It’s a shame at the extreme lack of coverage on this horrific disaster.

Ignorance never ends, a recent poll was taken in America on whether if they would donate or have donated to Pakistan or not. 67% DO NOT wish or want to help Pakistan. 67%.

And as for the donations that are being sent… 60% of aid needed now, has not been delivered. Who has them & why haven’t they reached the public?

What I’m trying to say is, Please…take note of this. These people are innocent and now they are homeless and sick. Children are dying quickly due to the lack of care. People have drowned, crops are ruined..animals are dead, & homes are gone.

This picture breaks my heart..I want you all to look at this picture. What do you see?

I don’t know what to do. I honestly don’t know. I’ve never felt this helpless. No one is helping, no one cares. Fuck neither do my own best friends know much about this.

Just look at this picture and think about what you’ve just read.

I’m not asking for a shitload of cash. But please just try to think about this. even only a minute.

One-fifth of the country is under water; 20 million+ people are homeless. All I ask is for you to help a little and spread awareness.

Oya, for one more question for you: Have you said thanks to the Lord about oxygen which He gives to you today?

antara wasabi dan sumpit

"Sushi," itulah kata pertama yang kulontarkan untuk kencan pertama kita.

Entah pura-pura, entah tidak, kamu nampak setuju dengan usulku. "Baiklah, aku suka sekali sushi. Kita akan bertemu di Kedai Sushi besok."

Hari itu datang jua. Hari dari semua hari atas mimpi-mimpiku. Berkencan di kedai sushi.

Kamu memelukku pada saat pertama kali melihat wajahku. Itukah caramu untuk meminta maaf atas keterlambatan selama satu jam?

Pesanan kami datang. Lima piring dengan varian sushi yang berbeda.

"Aku suka wasabi," ujarmu.

"Aku lebih suka sushi," batinku dalam hati.

Seperti inilah hubungan kita saat ini.

Antara wasabi dan sumpit, aku tidak akan pernah benar-benar menjadi sushi-mu.

Benar, kita menikmati detik-detik kala berkencan di kedai sushi. Ya, hanya itu.

Seperti sushi-sushi pada kelima piring itu,

Kau memilihku dengan sumpit, lalu kau olesi tubuhku dengan wasabi, dan mencelupkannya

dengan kecap asin.

"Lezat," begitulah wajahmu yang kutemukan--sama seperti wajah pria yang mencapai klimaks. Tampan.

Kamu menyukai daging. Terutama daging segar dengan potongan tekstil yang minim.

Aku jauh dari daging segar. Aku hanya seonggok tulang dengan balutan mode yang tertinggal masa.

Apakah aku masih dapat membuatmu menegang? berkeringat? dan jatuh cinta--mungkin?

Mungkin di kedai sushi itu aku pernah membuatmu demikian.

Kamu berkeringat, kamu menegang, dan aku membuatmu kepalamu pecah-membuncah-tak karuan.

ooh, bukan, itu bukan aku!! bukan karena aku. Aku tak pernah sekejap pun menjadi sushi di matamu. Wasabi dan sumpitlah yang membuatmu menegang, berkeringat, dan membuncah.

Aku adalah ilusi bukan sushi. karena aku tidak memiliki kesegaran salmon yang ditawarkan sushi padamu. Sensasi wasabi yang menggetarkan akan segera menghilang ke dalam perutmu, dan sumpit membawa mulutmu untuk mencoba sushi-sushi lain. Dan aku, terlupakan, untuk kesekian kalinya. karena aku adalah ilusi dari sebuah sushi.

when a guy moved away from my diary

  I hate myself for crushing with a guy after one evening of a dinner, and another evening with great talks.

I hate myself for liking him so much a whole 2 months ago. I said 'this is it'-do something about. I did. I talked with him. Just talked. we didnt kissing or holding hands. Nothing excessive intimacy. And I didnt hope like that one. We stared on our eyes each other. I swear it was such a magical moment. Since I saw his eyes, I knew he was nice, sweet, and smart. He just so so so perfect.

But then, when I could think clearly, he was not at all. I dont hate him, but after the time I've been trough he was not so special, just like another guy I ever know.

Suddenly came up, i don't know whats wrong with us, maybe it was from my fault. I've been too much---i couldnt find any exactly words. annoying, maybe?? I could think many possibly reasons behind it.

and, everybody asks me about us, here, i give you all explanation, this feeling was built by people around my life, they expected me I have something with this guy, at first I didnt feel it, but i kept trying. and it worked!

after many incidents passed by with us, he stops talking with me, he ignores me. I deserve it. I think I know the answer. I dont know what is on his mind about me? I think he already have a bad image on me. And, I just want he to think that I'm a lesbian, if he thinks I'm a lesbian, its more easy for me to accept the reason why he doesnt talk to me. I hate to think many reasons (maybe some of the reasons are very meant to me).

I knew we wouldnt talk after this, and now we dont talk, and still.

I'm trying to forget about this perfect guy, Its not hard, its like as easy as I had liked him.

I have another life, another problems, i moved on.

but, I still wonder where was the friendship gone?

Avril Lavigne - When Your Gone Found at abmp3 search engine

Pelayanan Klinik Mata di RSUD Tarakan

14 Agustus 2010

Saya belum pernah memeriksakan mata di RSUD, terakhir kali memeriksa mata sekitar 4 tahun yang lalu di RS Carolus.�

Sepulang dari mengantar barang ke BSD Serpong, saya turun di depan RSUD Tarakan. Kemarin mama saya memeriksakan matanya di RS ini, katanya uang pemeriksaannya murah. Untuk membenarkan pernyataan mama saya itu, hari ini saya memutuskan untuk memeriksakan mata, sudah lama tidak kontrol ke dokter, saya khawatir kalau mata saya memiliki infeksi atau apalah tanpa saya ketahui. Lebih baik mencegah dari pada mengobati.

Tahap pertama, membuat kartu pasie baru, membuat kartu baru Rp10K, membeli karcis pemeriksaan Rp5K. Setelah membayar di kasir I, saya dipinta untuk naik ke lantai dua, di sana ada beberapa klinik, di antaranya klinik mata, kulit & kelamin, THT, mulut & gigi.

Klinik mata terletak di sudut kiri bangunan rumah sakit itu, untuk menunggu giliran saya dipanggil membutuhkan waktu kurang lebih 45 menit, lalu 4-5 orang selanjutnya akan masuk bersama-sama ke dalam ruang pemeriksaan. Hal ini tidak akan kalian temukan apabila memeriksakan diri ke RS swasta. :P Seperti pemeriksaan masal lebih tepatnya.

Tahap kedua, di ruang pemeriksaan yang ramai sekali itu, kami, nomor-nomor yang baru disebutkan tadi, harus menunggu lagi. Pemeriksaan pertama adalah apakah mata saya minusnya bertambah atau berkurang. Hasilnya: nihil. Minus saya tetap. :) senangnyaa...

Menunggu lagi dan menunggu, lalu dipanggil lagi untuk pemeriksaan kedua, apakah kacamata saya masih dapat digunakan atau tidak. hasilnya: positif. Tidak perlu ganti kacamata. :) senangnya..

menunggu lagi dan menunggu, kali ini lebih lama, satu jam mungkin? hanya untuk konsultasi dokter. Di dalam ruangan yang berisi satu dokter pria,�

Dokter: keluhannya apa?

Saya: tidak ada.

Dokter: Ini bagus kok, tidak ada penambahan min.

Saya: iya, memang.

Dokter: ini saya kasih vitamin saja ya.

Saya: iya. terima kasih.

Saya keluar dari ruang dokter itu, tidak sampai semenit berkonsultasi dengan dokter itu, tidak seperti pasien yang lainnya, yang terlalu banyak pertanyaan.�

Eits, jangan pulang dulu, karena ada biaya tambahan ternyata. Saya disuruh pergi ke kasir II, untuk biaya konsultasi. Berapa? Rp15K.

Setelah saya membayar kedua kalinya, saya baru mendapat resep dokter.�

cerita selesai.�

Saya pulang jalan kaki dari RSUD Tarakan sampai ke rumah, kira-kira 5 KM lah, soalnya pertama tidak ada bus yang lewat. Kedua, naik transjakarta sayang uangnya. Ketiga, kalau naik bus biasa juga saya tidak punya uang pas, uangnya besaran semua, saya malas mendapat kembalian receh-receh. tidak level. :P

akhirnya, panas-panasan, dibela-belain deh jalan kaki. tapi cukup menyenangkan kok, jalan kaki sendirian. :)

Have a good weekend pals. :)

period of darkness in my life

When your coffee gets cold and you run out of lead, when there are no clean knives for spreading butter and it rains all the time.

When you find yourself looking out the window as if you expect something to happen that will change everything.. something that will make you want to start over.

You go about living the way you always have, but that pressing feeling on your shoulders, that weight that can’t be lifted, still resides in you. And no matter how many parties you attend and how many photographs you hang, it doesn’t go away.

Most days you get out and take your mind off of it, most days you succeed.

But there will always be some days when you just want to hide under the soft linens, and not show your face to the world for a while. And then that thought, that weight, that feeling- it swims to the front of your mind. And no matter how long you sit in your shower, no matter how many times you change your hair and listen to new music or perhaps attempt to fall in love, you cannot avoid it.

You can get drinks with your friends and fawn over babies in grocery stores, buy used books and make hot cups of tea.

You can write stories and paint the African landscape, listen to the tales of strangers, climb trees and look out over your small corner of the world.

You’ll try to change things, you’ll do your best to alter the tides in your life. It will work for a short while, but then even that doesn’t satisfy you.

And one day, after you do all of these things countless times, you find you cannot keep pushing that eternal feeling of restlessness into the back of your mind.

It no longer helps to go about these daily activities, and even the most drastic turns of the current don’t affect you.

So you’ll pack your things and leave notes for the people who need them, and you’ll find yourself at the airport, a railroad terminal, or perhaps a port on the coast.

You’ll hop on a freighter, or a plane, or that train with the familiar whistle you always hear in your sleep. You’ll look out at the land or sea that you’re moving over, and you’ll feel a sense of relief.

Not total contentment, not yet. But the pressure that has been on your shoulders for so long, that restless feeling of dissatisfaction, the load you’ve carried throughout your days- it is finally getting lighter.

So you’ll look from your window, or you’ll stand at the bow, and you’ll breathe in deep. It doesn’t matter where you’re going, it doesn’t even matter if you know yet.

But it is then, as you look around at your surroundings, that you’ll think, “this is it."

Read

Nothing Came Out Lyrics

here.