Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Bloody hell, why do I have to be so sensitive?

This morning, I just got grumbling because of my mom’s boss. She yelled at me because she wasn’t satisfied with my service. Look, she would lunch, and I served her as well, but when she looked in the kitchen, there was a kettle of chicken soup which was not at the table.

She thinks I’m a lazy person, because maybe she assumes that I don’t want to serve her. I explained her, “Madam, the chicken soup isn’t ready yet. It’s still boiling.” – But it looked like she doesn’t want to understand.

I don’t know what she was thinking about me. My mom and I have worked with this madam for almost 17 years – so do I. We’re living in the same house, for my whole life she’s been giving me a place to stay.

And after that , I felt sad. I didn’t like the way she shouted at me, it was like I’m stupid. (Yes I’m stupid, so what???) I know for the first time I’m only a servant to her, nothing more. But, one thing I would love to say loudly in front of her face was, “I’m a HUMAN, I HAVE FEELINGS”.

Many times I saw her get mad at my mom. I felt sad. I know my mom also did stupid things which made her angry. But we’re still human.

Okay, I admit, sometimes I’m lazy, but if you’re disappointed with my service or acts, please tell me the decent way.

Well, maybe that incident wasn’t that serious. Maybe I’m too serious and sensitive. Yeah, that’s my lacking characteristic. I didn’t complain when she was angry at me. I can’t complain. She’s my boss, I deserved it.

Why is my life so messed up? I don’t feel I’m alive. No freedom. I’ll tell you why in private. (Just in case you want to know)

So, for this moment, I just want to run away from this house and the boss and her family, get graduated soon, get a decent job, living in my ‘home’. I WANT TO BE FREE. Could I?

I really can’t wait for the moment when I step out of my life from this house.

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