Dreaming about him...

Since the terror attack in Brussels, I got a lot of questions from my family and friends, if I am alright. 

I am. Don’t worry, I live so far away from Brussels, it is like 2.5 hours far.

And what about my dream this time?

It’s him! My father came to my dream last night. It has been soooooooo long that I haven’t dream about him. Some says if dead people come to your dream, they just want to check   how are you. If it so, I am fine, Pak. I don’t often get dreams about dead people. 

This time in my dream, after 20 years of his death, he came back alive. He returns to us, to our family. But like other dead people dreams that I usually had, he didn’t say a thing. Not a word! That makes me sad. I wish he would say something to me, like “Hi Alfi, you are grown up now.” or “Oh look, you’re fine without me.”

Last night he looked me in the eye, I heard someone says “Your father is still alive.” And I tried to hug him because I miss him so much (well I never really missed him, until I got this dream)  and he just walked away to the exit door in the house. 

And from a far I could see him laughing, and I noticed his eyes were narrow. People said my eyes look like his. 

If I could have a chance to meet him again in real, I would do anything. 

Dear Bapak, 

I am doing fine in Belgium. I am fine. I like studying in here (even I dont always understand the subjects :P). I like living in here. Everybody is so nice to me. So, don’t worry I always could take care myself.

Warm hugs,

your daughter

Today I told my mom about my dream, and she said this week is his 21th anniversary of his death. Is it not a coincidence?

On his arms

and do I have a father issue? Ha, you tell me...

My first dream in 2016

Last night I got a dream.

And it started with cookies. 

photo credit pinterest

I was in a small traditional shop, the one like in an Indonesian traditional market. There were cookies that are sold based on how much do you take. 

At first, I ate one cookie to taste, so it was free. But the seller was looking at me like I am a thief. And then I took another kind of cookie. It was tasty. But I felt not so good, if I don't buy a thing from him. 

So I decided to look inside in the back of the shop. I found out that the seller sells secondhand clothes. Next to a pile of second hand clothes was there a rack of greeting cards. 

What surprises me is the price tag in Belgian Frank. On my dream, I saw a card cost 300 frank, and I don't know how I came with the conclusion that the price is 8 euro. When I woke up, I checked that 300 frank equals around 7.5 euro. Pretty close! So it is weird for me, because I never use Frank in my life, or never think about frank, but it appeared on my dream. 

So back to my dream, I was looking for a card that cost less than 2 euro. And I found one. It was a card without letters in it. So I asked the seller if he has one with greeting sentences. And he said, yes, but it was at his house. 

So he went to his house, which was a castle. And I followed him.
Next to his castle where he lives, he had an abandoned house where he kept all the greeting sentences. 

When he entered the abandoned house, I waited from outside. There was a gate that was opened from the house. And not so long after that, I saw a white fox coming out. 

I panicked. The fox ran to me. And I screamed, because I don't like animals (on my dream). And the fox was shocked by my screaming, and he went inside the gate. 

He ran again to me. But this time he was more fierce than the first time. 
I was so afraid if he would attack me. And he did. But while I was fighting with the fox, there was a dog coming over to us, and the dog took care of me, and was fighting with the fox until the fox went back to where he belongs. 

And the seller came out from the abandoned house, with a greeting sentence, it says "Happy New Year". But there was blood on his forehead. When I asked why, he said he bumped into the wooden ceiling, because inside the house it was really messy and he couldn't see it very clearly. 

So that was my first dream in 2016. 
I don't know why I remember my dream these days. 


how about your first dream?

About the dream last night

There is nothing special, really, in sending each other "Good night - sweet dreams" messages. It is like saying "Good morning" every day to the first person you meet in the morning, right?

And, what about last night?

So, I found a poetry book, titled "Love and Misadventures". It's really a great book. I really love it. And I couldn't stop reading it. 

Until I found a poem titled "A Dream", it says: 

“I had my first dream about you last night. 

Really? She smiles. What was it about?

I don't remember exactly but the whole time I was dreaming, I knew you were mine.”

I wished you read this book together with me, so you know how was my feeling last night. 

Then I got message from you, and I said I wish you had sweet dreams, and you replied if sweet I'll dream about you. My breath stopped for a while. Then I continued reading the book.  

A couple hours later, I went to bed. I fell in a deep sleep. 

I got a dream last night, but I'm not sure exactly. But I will tell you anyway. 

So there was a giant who lives in an old high tower along the coast. It was winter, it was cold, but not too cold for winter. There were a lot of people standing outside the tower, the view was like The Battle of the five armies, from The Hobbit movie. And there were only 20 people could go up to the top of the tower for meeting the giant. One of the participants was a girl. A little girl. I can't recognise her face. The tower was so high, and she was left behind, and the others reached the top already. As soon as they reached the top, they started screaming and running to downstairs. 

The little girl didn't understand what  just happened until she reached the top and finally met the giant. 

There was nothing special about the giant. He didn't look any more scary than she thought. And why were people screaming seeing him? 

So, he greeted her. And there began their conversation. They had a good one. A deep one. Like, they already knew each other  for a long time, and now they were catching up.  Maybe it feels weird, the little girl suddenly got butterflies on her stomach. She doesn't understand why. She felt sad for the giant, She felt sad having to leave him alone in the high tower. 

From one of the windows on the top, she looked down. The crowd was getting bigger and bigger, they could have destroyed this tower, they are all waiting to meet up with the giant. And suddenly she remembered that she left her father and her partner in the crowd, and she was worried couldn't find them anymore. So she said goodbye to the giant. 

Their eyes met for a while, until the giant started to speak. He spook something sweet.  and it felt right, at that moment. The giant said "I'll remove all the memories of all the participants who has been to the top, except you. I won't do that to you, so you can have this memory of us" Then she ran downstairs, and met the other participants, and they were asking if she remembers anything from the top, and she said no. 

And she couldn't find her father and her partner. She walks along the coast alone, she couldn't remember anything else beside what happened in the tower. And that memory keeps playing in her mind, again and again. 

and then I woke up. That was it my dream last night, how about yours?


*photo credit to: weheartit