Saturday night I prefer to served the Lord than saying a goodbye

does the title make you think I'm a religion person?

Oh, please don't think like that. I'm just try to be a useful person.

Today was sooooo sad.

yesterday, I said to my friend who tomorrow will back to his country, "after I'm done with the charity thing I'll come to your farewell"

but, I broke my word. I felt bad because I couldn't make it.

I felt disgusted.

So, whats happen?

yesterday, my mom promised I could go after 5.pm and the charity event will be ended around 5.

BUT IT WAS A LIE.

This morning, I heard my mom talked to the phone that charity event will be over at 10pm. What the heck?? when I heard about this, I still believe I could go out after 5pm. But I couldn't.

And, the crap was happen. At 5.pm, this kitchen still chaos. My mom was cooking, and I couldn't leave her alone. Before you are confused what I'm talked about, I'll give my explanation what we were doing: the church held a charity event for 150 old folks (69--90 years old). And as you maybe already know, my mom is a chef, so she got order from the church to make meals for the old folks. She cooked for dinner which start at 7.30pm.

when at 5.pm the meals still not ready yet, it means I couldn't go out from the kitchen. My tears was going down because I will broke my promise, and my mom knew it, and she said I may let go off--with her sarcasm tone--(it means: I cant go)

hell yeah, life is about choice, and for million times I've been on dilemma situation.

and while stopping my tears goes down,

I thought harder. and I found answer for my self:

Even my mom give me permit for go to the my friend farewell, I decided not to come at his farewell.

why?

first, my mom had 150 portion of meals and she worked with two person, included me. If I go, my mom will worked more harder, and I couldn't see my mom looks tired. I couldn't be egoist.

Second, this meals for old folks, and this event for charity, and this event held by church, SO this event had concrete goals. When I decided not to go out, I thought about God. Maybe sounds like religious type which I'm not. But I think the old folks more need the meals from us than I attend to someone dinner. In this case, I consider being useful person for many old folks who really need meals was much worth it.

So, I texted my friend who had the farewell, I told him I cant make it. and he understand it.

I back to work, preparing the meals until 8.pm. I was so happy when knew the old folks enjoy the meals, they said "it delicious", I was sooooo proud of my mom and all our works today, its worth in the end. Oya, I forget, menu for today was Soto Sapi, Perkedel, and Telor rebus.

They were happy, my mom and me are happy, we made many people happy. Oh, thanks God for today. You make my day, even I missed another event.

Eventhough now I'm very tired after work for charity, but I did it for many people, So I can't complain.

I never really good in goodbye.

and about my friend who will leave my country, I think I should not sad. Everything has its goodbye. Okay, I admit I'm sad because I can't see his face for the last time, but I try to let it go. If there is any chance, and I believe there are many chances out there, we will meet together again, somewhere, sometime. God knows it. :)

PS: anyway, to make my feeling better, while writing this blog I eat a box of chocolate from my auntie. Ohh,, I love chocolate, it makes my feeling happier. :)

Do you think sex before marriage is okay?

hmm, lets give me few minutes to think about this.

Yeah, have as much fun as you can before you end up staying with one person for the rest of your life. I dont think sex equates to love always and I dont think I ever will.

I know it against my religion. FYI, Im not religious enough, so please no offense. :P

And why we always underestimate sex before marriage is bad? I think its not bad at all, why we don't see another cases, like many cases in household also do sex outside their marriage. I mean, many husband have affair or slept with sluts behind their wife. Well, thats wrong!! if you already have commitment with someone, you need to keep your words. So, for this matter I don't agree if people always say sex before marriage is bad, the truth is having affair if you already marriage is bad. Are you agree with me, pals?

I dont believe in soulmates. My mom and dad married. and after my dad died I didn't think my mom had ever fall in love again, but she did, many times for a jerk guys. and you can tell she loved his first hushband and she loves his boyfriend? recently, I read Paolo Coelho's book--The Witch of Portobello--that story told me its possibly if you can love two person at the same time, because love is uncountable. So, in that respect I don't see how there can be a soulmate.

I dont think people only have one love, it annoys me so much when people say, "I didnt think i was in love before until i met you"--ugh!! it so gross!! I want to throw up!!!

Hey stupid!! You are allowed to love more than one person, and you can fall out of love. Love is as real as you want to think it is.

I dont like the idea of being stuck to one person for the rest of my life, I dont say marriage is a bad way to get happiness, it would be a nice idea, and for the moment i still think It wouldnt be the end of the world if i didnt get married. I want to have kids, otherwise i cant see what else I'll do with my life. Some of people in my life chose to didnt married, and they still happy with their life. My lovely 'uncle' who I always adore with said the same thing to me, he has good opinion why he dont want married, it doesnt because he is affraid of commitment or whatever, he just has some good reasons, who I respect his reasons. and btw, Shakira--singer--also doesnt want married with his boyfriens, even their relationship already have been 11 years, wow!! she also has good reason, she said, "I want he always be my eternal lover" ARGHH SO SWEETT

to clearly my thoughts, people fall in love with whoever they fall in love with. Sex before marriage isn't bad way, keeping virginity for the right guy is the right thing to do, and somehow the right guy maybe isnt your husband. Marriage is a another way to get happiness, but it isnt my choice for at the moment, you still can fall in love without marriage or having sex with someone. Love and sex are different, but we could do this things together.

so, just feel free to fall in love!! this world would be a better if we love each other. no war. no cry. peace!!

Lets love everyone, or just someone, whatever, as long as it doesnt make your heart being hurt.

Tidak semua orang dapat berkomunikasi dengan Tuhan melalui agama yang telah disediakan dunia

Akhirnya, selesai juga membaca novel ini, entah kenapa sejak liburan saya dilanda perasaan malas untuk membaca yang sangat parah. (baca buku maksudnya)

Novel ini dapat saya katakan absurd, seperti novel-novel Coelho lainnya, kenapa absurd? yah karena intelegensi pembacanya--seperti saya contohnya--susah untuk mengambil inti ceritanya.

haha okay, agar tidak dikira bodoh, saya akan mencoba menjabarkan pemahaman yang telah saya baca.

Coelho menceritakan sesosok wanita misterius yang bernama Athena melalui sudut pandang dari beberapa orang yang mengenalnya--atau bahkan sama sekali tidak mengenalnya. Awalnya cerita hanya berpusat tentang asal-usul Athena, dan sikap-sikap anehnya yang tidak biasa di lingkungan masyarakat.

Halaman demi halaman saya baca, pemahaman akan cerita ini semakin meningkat, saya menjadi lebih tertarik. Entahlah, menurut saya, cerita mulai menarik saat Athena memulai perjalanannya untuk mengisi kekosongan dalam dirinya, mencari apa sesungguhnya hakikat kehidupan. Athena mulai mencari guru-guru spiritual, dia pergi belajar kaligrafi ke padang pasir di Dubai, dia mencari ibu kandungnya yang seorang gipsi, dia bertemu seorang guru spiritual di Edinburgh, Skotlandia, tetapi kekosongan di dalam hatinya tetap masih ada.

Athena memiliki misi dan visi, dia menari hingga bertemu dengan Sang Ibu, Keilahian.

Ada beberapa hal yang dapat saya jadikan panutan dalam hidup ini,

Pertama, agama dibuat oleh manusia, saya setuju beberapa argumen Athena yang menentang agamanya, Katholik. Dia seorang yang taat, namun juga memiliki pemikiran-pemikiran yang bertolak belakang dengan ajarannya. Setiap agama memiliki kelebihan dan kekurangan, menurut saya tidak perlu sepenuhnya kita harus mengikuti ajaran agama, kita harus meyakini apa yang kita percayaain, dalam hal ini agama tidak berbanding lurus dengan kepercayaan. Di sini saya diajak untuk melihat, kenapa manusia lebih sering memohon pada Tuhan yang ada di balik awan, sedangkan di sekitar mereka ada alam yang menjamin kehidupan mereka, ya, benar yang saya tangkap di sini adalah kepercayaan Pagan, Coelho nampaknya ingin menyanjung sosok kefeminisan Allah. (Ayu Utami juga berpikiran demikian)

Tidak cuma itu saja, Coelho memberikan alasan mengapa orang-orang pindah agama, karena sebagian dari mereka merasa ditolak dalam agama mereka.

Kedua, novel ini sangat cocok untuk kondisi masalah keagamaan zaman sekarang, lihat saja banyak sekte-sekte yang ditangkap karena dinilai sesat. Kalian menilai itu sesat menggunakan kacamata siapa?? kacamata agama kalian kan? bukan dari sekte itu sendiri. ada beberapa kepercayaan yang memiliki sudut pandang yang benar, (memang sih kebanyakan juga punya tujuan hasrat seksual semata), nah yang kasihannya nih ya, kepercayaan-kepercayaan itu sering dibasmi oleh pemimpin-pemimpin agama yang sudah diakui oleh dunia, kesannya mereka sempurna karena memiliki pengikut yang banyak, kenyataannya adalah tidak semua orang memiliki kemampuan untuk berkomunikasi dengan Tuhan melalui agama yang telah diakui dunia. ITU SALAH!!!!

jujur aja ya, saya suka benci sekali dengan pemimpin agama yang munafik, gembar-gembor untuk membasmi agama yang dinilai menyimpang, ih tau apa mereka, tidak hanya itu saja, pemimpin agama yang munafik itu sering banget membualnya, membuat dukungan-dukungan dari para pengikutnya, sehingga yang ada kemunafikan!! SAMPAH tau nggak sih mereka itu.

oke, saya merasa sedikit gemas kalau membicarakan topik ini.

Ketiga, hmm nah novel ini juga menyajikan sisi romantismenya, pertama, yang namanya soulmates itu gak ada, setiap orang menikah, suatu saat bisa cerai, ya sudah, nanti kalau memang takdirnya akan bisa ketemu pasangan lain. Dalam soal-menyoal cinta, kita cinta seseorang, tidak perlu tuh mengharapkan cinta itu berbalas atau tidak, itu yang namanya cinta murni, bukan harus memiliki, bukan juga bertepuk tangan, :DDD

maksud saya, kalau kamu benar-benar cinta, ya sudah, berikan rasa itu, urusan perasaan dia terhadap kita yah itu bisa diatur, cinta toh tidak selamanya memiliki, cinta hubungan jarak jauh juga bisa bertahan lama tanpa harus bertemu fisik, karena sebenarnya rasa kangen itu adalah napsu, atau hasrat duniawi.

contohnya, saya cinta bapak saya yang sudah meninggal, walaupun ayah saya sudah tidak ada, saya masih mencintainya. :) nah itulah bentuk dari cinta (gitu sih intinya yang saya tangkep dari buku, hehehe)

banyak sih hal-hal lain yang diangkat. cuma itu aja deh, nanti saya terlalu banyak bertele-tele kesannya. :)

ciao,

Alfi

everybody, lets rosary everyday, and Mother Marry heals your sores

Pray it loud!! Pray it loud to the Lord, to the saint Marry mother of God. Nothing is impossible.

Lets praying everyday, everytime, even you are atheist, or agnostic, or paganism. Praying is not always to the God you believe, you still can pray to the thing you believe in (for atheist or agnostic), no one doesn't have something to believe, atheist has one. they are just not consider it yet, haha

Okay, I'm not a religious person, I always lazy to pray. these days, i think i've been quite far to Jesus and Mother Marry, I've been so long not to talk with them.

Now, when I already got pox, when the bumps left me many scars which make my skins so disgusting I come back to the track.

few days a go, i start to make commitment that i have to rosary everyday.

why? yeah, besides the pox, I have so many problem need to be solved.

i ask Saint Mary to help me on my all problems.

And I feel so miss talk to them.

when i rosary, i talk to Mother Marry and Jesus. There is a strong power when you rosary everyday, it gives you something spiritual. I can't explain it, i just feel it. Try it!!

maybe, i look like a hypocrite,

because i only come to Mother Marry when I already had problems.

I know, I such a jerk!! i hate myself.

i go to the church every week, it doesnt mean i talk to the Lord.

learn from my past experience, praying rosary everyday helps a lot your wishes.

and there is a moment, an intimate moment between you and Mother Marry.

and that moment will make you feel more closer to Mother Marry.

I'm catholic, i proud to have Mother Marry who is my bridge to the Lord.

pray as often as possible, because prayer change everything.

trust me!!!

lets pray to our God, no matter what your God is,

if you are Catholic, just try to rosary everyday, Mother Marry never sleeps, she always beside you to heal your sores, and makes your wishes come true.

I love you Saint Marry. You are the best mom ever!!

Celine Dion - Ave Maria download at emp3

hari pertama puasa

Jujur saja, saya menulis blog ini dalam keadaan lapar berat.
seharusnya saya tidak perlu mengaku kelaparan karena saya sedang berpuasa.
Orang berpuasa itu tidak boleh banyak mengeluh, tetapi saya tidak ambil peduli, saya banyak mengeluh dan emosi!!

entahlah mengapa harus menulis blog hari ini, padahal tugas-tugas teriak-teriak ingin segera dituntaskan. Mungkin blog ini sebagai pelarian akan rasa lapar yang saya derita. Mungkin penderitaan ini tidak seberat tunawisma yang hidup di jalanan.

Sebagai manusia katolik yang telah berusia 15 tahun keatas, mungkin ini adalah puasa pertama saya. Masa-masa puasa sebelumnya belum saya jalankan seserius ini.haha

Saya tidak mengharapkan suatu ujud khusus dalam berpuasa saat ini. Mungkin saya belum menemukan ujud yang khusus. Puasa bagi saya adalah sarana untuk meningkatkan kualitas hidup kita sebagai manusia yang berprilaku manusiawi. Bukan begitu?

Beberapa pantangan yang akan saya jalankan:

1. tidak jajan makanan selama di kampus dan perjalanan pulang menuju rumah.
2. mencoba berbaik hati memberikan tempat duduk di kereta kepada orang yang lebih membutuhkan.
3. mencoba untuk tidak melakukan hal-hal maksiat (dalam kamus Alfi)
4. lebih sabar
5. tidak pelit kepada sesama
6. menahan hawa nafsu untuk makan banyak.

Saya rasa sekian dulu pantangan yang harus saya jalankan, kalau terlalu banyak saya khawatir tidak dapat menahannya lebih lama lagi, semoga pantangan ini bisa mulus sampai 40 hari.

Hal terberat dalam berpantang adalah menahan emosi atau hal-hal berbau kebatinan karena sifatnya yang begitu cair dan refleks.