the reasons why I can't go out more often at night time.

Dear friends,

I'm sorry if I often do not attend your party or events.

I'm sorry if I often reject any important meetings.

Or, I'm sorry if I often suddenly cancel our appointment in the last second.

I'm so sorry. I don't meant them.

I have some explanations behind those all.

first, I live in that house. not my house-- my mom's boss. My mom and I are living with the boss and her family. Yes, I'm a servant since I understood what kind of my mom's job is.

I can't go out from that house in the night time. Actually, I can go out sometimes, but I have the limit late hours which is 9.pm no more.

Maybe this reason doesn't make sense for you. But, it works for me.

We're living with that family almost 17 years, and as my exchange I need to serve my life to the Boss. Sounds like slavery? yes, it is!

So, if you want to ask me out, the first thing you have to think about are the time and the date, I'm available at noon, because i have reason to go to campus (so I can see you after class) :)

if weekend, probably I can't, My mom's boss is busy with church-thing, so she needs my helps.

the good news is if my mom's boss isn't at that house (going to abroad) Naaahh.. I can see you anytime, I can go out late :)

but, it rarely happen. :(

Oya, one more reason why I often suddenly cancel my appointment in the last second:

The boss often suddenly asks me to do something which I can't reject (yeah, just because I don't want to hear any complaints from her).

For example, I was ready to go out for important meeting with my campus friends (we're doing project at campus) , but while I was stepping my foots out of the door, she yelled my name, "Alfiiiiiiiiiiiiiii, please blablabalablabla.... would you?"

and, yeah, I remember I'm just a servant, so I was back inside that house. "Yes, Madam. Is there anything I can help?" ask me with politely.

enough for this confession, I don't hate my life, I'm trying to live in it. I also try to step out from this situation, I'll reach my dreams. soon. yes, soon.

I'm not complaining. I'm grateful. I know behind this all, there is good things for me. I believe God never sleeps. And mother Marry always listens to my pray. Amen.

regards,

Alfi

P.S: I'm Sorry

Dear friends,

I considered lately that all I'd written on blog was too privately and too rude.

Few days ago, my Belgium friend made me realized my faults. He told me his opinion about my posts. I made him uncertain with my thoughts.

So, here, I'm apologize. I'm sorry for:

I posted some harsh words to someone on public, (the wrong is if i hate someone i have to say it to him directly, not by posting on public, because its maybe can hurt people what I'm not meant.)

I also wrote blog for talking about someone behind his back, and it was very bad.

(the wrong is gossiping bad thing about person, or complaining about someone on blog and if that person doesn't know is really bad)

Hmm, I used sarcasm words didn't mean its cool at all. I'm sorry.I'm so fucked up. I messed up. I used in English sarcasm words, just because I like its sounds. please, no offense.

I posted some bad blogs because I couldn't speak them out loud. I couldn't say my disappointed with someone directly. I don't have a drop of bravery. I faced it that I'm a coward. I admit it.

and for my stupid statuses on FB, Twitter, Tumblr, and Blogspot which were too private to be consumed by public, once again I'm so sorry. Stan, my Belgium friend, thoughts my heart seems need some attentions from the public. I feel bad to admit it, but hell yeah, I felt my heart also needs some attentions. And I couldn't find any best way for posting about the condition of my feeling besides on web. Okay, now, I bet you'll think I'm a dork, I haven't any friends in a real world. Hahaha, whatever, trust it or not, I have many bestfriends in the real world. as much as in the web world. hahahaha..

I also still talk my problems with my bffs, but there is something missing if I'm not posting my blog. Because I'm a freak blogger. and I'm so addicted blog. I cant help myself for it.

I'm not a good person, i have bad personalities. I'm freak, strange, weak, and lame.

but, above that, I'm trying to be a good person who can make people around me happy and smiling all the time. I don't want bother people, I don't want hurting someone.

After this posts, please remind me if I do the fault same again.

Since now, I keep my mind shut up from the bad things I've thinking about.

I'll post the nice things in my life. or just my good thoughts.

But, I can't promise if later I'll posting my bad feeling about something again. :P

Regards,

gypsyholic a.k.a Alfi.